Terms of Endearment begins with a mother’s fear that her daughter has died and ends with the reality of her daughter’s death. Love and grief are intertwined in this story that tells the story of the complicated relationship between Emma and her mother Aurora. Wikipedia does a good job explaining the story, but doesn’t recap the elements of grief and death from a thanatological perspective.
The movie starts with Aurora coming out from an evening out and going in to see her infant daughter still in the crib. She shakes her and when Emma starts crying she realizes she is still alive so she turns the lights out and leaves.
A few scenes later, we learn that Aurora’s husband, and Emma’s father, has died. Although we had not gotten to know him, in a way his death hangs over the entire film as Aurora is terrified of connecting with another man and even when her daughter dies decades later, she is still wearing her wedding ring. She continues to push men away until she finally takes a chance and lets the playboy astronaut Garrett into her bed and her heart. And although he is unable to tell her he loves her, he shows her by showing up when Emma is in the hospital dying of cancer. And he shows up for Emma’s children at her memorial service.
The love and grief of marriage and betrayal is also showcased in the film as Flap, Emma’s husband, has a relationship with a grad student that has him following her to Nebraska. Emma also seeks out love and tenderness elsewhere when she begins an affair with a banker who is kind to her and is in his own tormented marriage. She has to leave her lover behind when Flap decides the family is moving to Nebraska.
Despite the mutual affairs, there is still a deep love between Flap and Emma that is evidenced by the tender scenes in the hospital when Emma is dying. They are both still wearing their wedding rings when they embrace and share how much they still love each other, despite the pain they’ve caused each other.
The anticipatory grief is payable in the last part of the movie, when it becomes evident that Emma will die of her cancer. The saddest scene is when she tells her sons how much she loves them and tells her oldest not to beat himself up for not being able to tell her that he loves her. Her son is the only one who truly expresses anger over her death, as he lashes out and pushes her away.